Mac and Stella: Are they ready?
by Apodrru
Summary: A short fiction about how Mac and Stella agreed to go on a first date.


A/N - My first time ever trying to write fan fiction. I seem to be a bit older than most of the authors on this site, but I had a terrible weekend over the 4th and was stuck at home with a sprained ankle for nearly a week. I happened to watch an episode of CSI:NY that I had taped and was on my computer and found my way to this site.

Mac has always intrigued me and, although I had never thought of pairing him with Stella, or anyone else for that matter, I enjoyed many of the stories I read that involved this pairing. I came up with this story as a challenge to myself and to fill some time. I honestly had no idea how hard it would be to translate my thoughts into a coherent story (at least I hope it is coherent). Hats off to those of you who write fanfic regularly and do it so well. It is not easy. I debated posting this because I didn't want to embarass myself. However, maybe someone will enjoy it so I will put it out there.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned. Also, I read a lot of these stories in a two day period right before writing this. (I really was at a loss for things to do when I couldn't get around.) I don't think I took anything from any other author but, if I did, my sincerest apologies. And, if I did, point it out to me in a review and I will give credit where it is due.

MSMSMSMSMSMSMS

Stella is leaning against the rail at South Street Seaport looking at the Brooklyn Bridge and the reflection of the lights from the city in the water. It is a beautiful evening in NYC – warm but with very low humidity and a bit of a breeze. She should be inside at the party in honor of Flack's return to duty, but felt the need for some air. The whole team is here plus many cops from Flack's precinct. She wasn't sure whose idea it was to come here, but it was a nice change of pace from where they usually gathered – but she just can't get comfortable inside. As happy as she is that Flack has recovered enough to return to duty, she is feeling sad and is not very interested in being social. Well, perhaps it would have been okay to socialize with just the team, but she was getting some interest from some of the other men at the bar and even though she knows that nothing can happen to her in the midst of her friends and other cops, she is uneasy with the attention. It has been two months since Frankie's attack and she knows she is a long way from getting back to being herself – if she can ever get back to that fun loving, socially easy person she was before the incident – and that upsets her.

Mac walks towards Stella. He had noticed her leave the gathering after a man tried to strike up a conversation with her. He wasn't surprised that that man approached her – Stella is beautiful and looked especially so tonight, but he was a little surprised at her reaction. She looked spooked. Perhaps it shouldn't have surprised him after what she had been through, but she had convinced him over the past month or so that she was doing fine.

When Stella hadn't returned for 10 minutes, Mac went out to look for her. He saw her staring out over the water looking so alone and forlorn that he cursed inwardly for not coming after her sooner. He walked up beside her and leaned against the rail next to her. They were very close although not quite touching.

"Are you okay, Stella" Mac asked

"I'm fine." She automatically replied.

"Stella," he said as he reached out to touch her on the arm in a reassuring gesture, "this is me. I know you well enough to know that you aren't fine. Won't you tell me what is bothering you?"

She sighed. "I am not sure it is something that I can even articulate. There was a guy inside who was trying to talk with me."

"I noticed." Mac interjected.

She just glanced at him a little puzzled that he had been paying such close attention. When that guy approached her, she was pretty sure Mac had been across the room talking to Danny. Stepping away from these musings, she continued, "He seemed nice and was certainly attractive enough, but all I kept thinking was that I thought Frankie was nice and attractive and a lot of other things that made him a good boyfriend and look how that turned out."

"Stella, not all men are like that."

"I know Mac. I know you aren't like that. I know Danny isn't like that or Flack or Hawkes or even most men. It's just that when I meet someone new, I don't feel like I can trust my instincts anymore. I always thought that by keeping the men I dated away from my apartment that I was in control and could keep myself safe. But since Frankie . . . " she sighed and let her voice trail off as if she didn't know what to say.

Now it was Mac's turn to sigh. He honestly didn't know what to say to her to make her feel better. He wanted so badly to say the right thing, but he knew he wasn't good at this kind of thing. After 9/11 she had always been there for him; calming him, being his rock and eventually making him realize that he would be okay without Claire. He knew she had lost her sense of security and her faith in her ability to take care of herself. In the end, she had prevented herself from being killed, but she went through an incredibly frightening and traumatic experience before she managed to save herself and he could only begin to imagine how that could affect someone who was used to being so in control and so strong.

"Stella, I don't know really what to say. I want to tell you that things will get back to normal, and while I think that they will, I don't know for sure. It is just that when bad things happen all we can do is take one day at a time and start taking baby steps towards getting back what we lost. I've lost track of how often you have told me that the healing process after something tragic can be very slow and happens to each person at their own pace."

She smiled a soft smile and said, "I hate having my own words thrown in my face. But, thank you. I do know that, but sometimes if feels like I will never see the light at the end of the tunnel."

"Stella, you have to be patient and give yourself some time, it really hasn't been very long since everything happened with Frankie."

"I know." and, in an effort to change the subject and lighten the mood, she smiled and continued, "Maybe I should enter a convent anyway, then I wouldn't have to worry about getting back out there and dating – from everything I read there aren't any good men left in NY anyway."

Sounding affronted, Mac exclaimed "Hey" in an injured tone. She knew he wasn't really offended and was just teasing, but reassured him anyway. "You know I think you are one of the best people I have ever met, Mac. I was talking about available men. You aren't available – at least not right now."

Expecting him to demur and say something along the lines of the fact that he couldn't imagine ever being ready to get into a new relationship, she continued, " I know you don't know if you will be able to love again, but you will when you can do so without feeling you are betraying Claire. You know she would want you to be happy. "

"I am finally beginning to accept you are right about all that, but I am not convinced I have that much to offer." He admitted.

"Are you kidding, Mac? Once you are ready, there will be a line of women around the block eager to date a guy like you."

He averted his eyes and looked a little uncomfortable, but laughed very softly and said with his half-smile. "Around the block, eh?

She smiled and said, "yes."

And before he could stop himself, he asked her if she would be standing in that line.

A little surprised by his question, she glanced at him trying to read his expression. His face was in shadow and she couldn't tell what he was thinking so she took a chance and said softly, "If I thought there was even the slightest chance, I would be first in line."

He was silent for a moment and she worried that she had made him uncomfortable --forgetting in her embarrassment that he had asked the question that opened the door to this discussion. She tried to think of something to say to divert the conversation, but was too stunned at what she had basically just admitted to him. She didn't want things to get awkward between them. Although he might not realize it, he was her closest friend, one of the few people in the world that she trusted completely and without reservation.

Luckily, he started speaking before things got too uncomfortable. His hands were clasped in front of him and he was looking at them intently to avoid looking at her. "What if I told you I think I might be ready? That even though that date with Rose didn't go well, I don't think it was because I am not ready, but more because she wasn't the right person.

"Oh?" Stella said and smiled a little uncertainly having no idea how to respond.

"Stella, did you mean what you said?"

"Yep, a line around the block, I guarantee." She teased.

As he turned toward her, he said, "I don't need a line of women around the block – I have no intention of going past the first woman in line – as long as you really are willing to be first in line."

She breathed out a sigh, "Mac?" She was hesitant to believe this could be real, but couldn't help her heart from hoping this was really happening.

Looking into her eyes he asked, "I know the timing isn't great and if you aren't willing I will understand. After what happened it would be completely understandable if you had a hard time being able to date again. Do you think you can learn to trust me enough to let me in and possibly see where this goes?"

"I don't have to learn to trust you, Mac. I could never trust anyone as much as I already trust you."

They just smiled at each other as they turned and walked back into the bar after agreeing to go out to dinner on Saturday night. Each was more hopeful about their future than they had been in a long time and eager to see where this might lead.


End file.
